Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes

My wife asked me why I chose such an old photo of myself for my profile, which made me think.  I guess I miss the concept of who I was when that was taken.  By concept I mean I was a rebel without a clue.  I had a chiseled body; I didn’t moan when I got out of bed in the morning or pick up something heavy, I didn’t have a care in the world and most of all I was ignorant to the way things went.

I didn’t think much about death or growing old, I didn’t worry about my children’s future because they weren’t born yet, I lived for the day.  I spent most of my days at the beach or at the gym and many nights at high-end restaurants and trendy bars. Every day was a new adventure and I set my life to Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes by Jimmy Buffett among others tunes.  I was a free spirit void of spiritually.  I was dumb as a rock like most boy-men, I thought I knew it all and I had the attitude that went with the territory.

Somewhere along the line my life changed and it wasn’t easy.  In fact it was quite painful; it was like a butterfly struggling to get out of his cocoon or a baby chick braking free from its egg.

About 21 years ago, my first transformation was my skill and business sense, almost overnight I woke up one day and I had a plan, a vision and things have never stopped moving forward.  I honed my craft and set a high standard for myself and my work that I re-evaluated daily.  I pride myself on customer satisfaction and doing the right job.

A thirst for knowledge came after I meet my wife some 16 years ago.  I always had a willingness to learn but it was on the trivial side, nothing of great importance.  When I meet my wife, I was introduced to many different ideas and one thing lead to another and we both begin to study law, America History, the inner workings of our government, religion, health, and food production among other things. 

My thirst for knowledge grew daily along with my dishearten feeling that every aspect of our lives is a lie.  Just about everything I studied is in one way or another, an avenue for someone or something to control and manipulate the masses with financial gain being in their best interest.

The hardest transformation came about after Judith and I broke up for three years when Echo was about 3 years old, my world came to a crashing end.  I was forced to examine my way of life when it came to my relationship with Judith and our son, Echo and my womanizing. I needed to change my ways but not knowing any other way of life, how would I do it.

In desperation, I started questioning my life and my motives; I started studying the Bible to get a Biblical perspective on what it is to truly be a man and not play one, I began attending church regularly, and  I read a book that changed the course of my life. 

I read Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart by Stu Weber.  It gave me the answers I needed and it showed me what my purpose was at being a Man, a Husband and a Father.  It gave me a clear understanding of who I should be and what my job is.

Now my life is very different, last Friday I turned 48 years old and I would be liar if I said being a working husband to a stay at home mom and a father to six children along with all my other responsibilities wasn’t hard and sometimes depressingly stressful.

My burden is great but the rewards are plenty and as I ponder my long journey to the present I realize the past is the past and I am committed to see my journey through to the end.  I signed up for the long haul and that means a lot to my wife and my children but somewhere in my heart I long for those simpler days, those carefree days of my youth when I was dumb as a rock and not much mattered but I know they are just a memory and I can’t go back. 

And thinking about it, why would I want to go back? I have so much to lose.